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Illustrated Backstory Redesign
#16
Overall, the layout looks good to me. A few details bother me some.

pdf #1:

Reducing the strength of "radical" in the definition of "Tweak" would improve it. A tweek is usually considered to be a minor change to optimize something. Calling it "radical" is rather disconcerting. Its use also suggests that the process is somewhat difficult, which is no longer the case in Y11K.

Also, "environmental" and "aptitude" are not contrasting.

Tweak:​ Generally, a human who has been radically modified for
environmental or aptitude purposes. Also used to designate any
Terragen organism who has been so radically modified for environmental
or aptitude purposes.

might be better as

Tweak:​ Generally, a human who has been modified physically or
mentally, whether for environmental or personal reasons. Also used to
designate any Terragen organism who has been so modified.

========================

pdf #6: Some of the sentences in the introduction are overly convoluted. Trying to make sense of the usage of their commas distracts from comprehending the information.


In the Current Era, ten thousand years and more after its first
tentative steps on now, Terragen civilization stands upon a
pinnacle. The Archai, the products of Singularities, cybernetic
god-like beings with brains larger than worlds and thoughts the
heavens, have forged a civilization unlike any seen before. Subtly
controlled vital part of, these vast intellects, humans and other
Terragens thrive across thousands light-years of space and centuries
of time. Entire worlds and solar systems are rearranged, or utterly
destroyed, sometimes by devices far too small to see.

might be better as

After ten thousand years, Terragen civilization of the Current Era
stands upon a pinnacle. The Archai have forged a culture
unlike any seen before. The products of Singularities, they are
cybernetic god-like beings with brains larger than worlds and thoughts
as vast as the heavens. A subtly controlled yet vital part of
these vast intellects, humans and other Terragens now thrive across
thousands light-years of space and centuries of time. Entire worlds
and solar systems are rearranged or utterly destroyed, sometimes by
devices far too small to see.

===================

pdf #8

"Hypothetic" --> "Hypothetical"

Inhibitor:​ Hypothetic super-powerful alien race or races proposed to
explain why most advanced civilizations fail after only a few tens of
thousands to a few millions of years.

might be better as

Inhibitor:​ Hypothetical super-powerful alien race or races proposed to
explain why most advanced civilizations fail after only a few tens of
thousands to a few millions of years.


===
civ is still spreading, and is not yet throughout, so change

Xenosophonts
As Terragen civilization spread throughout the galaxy, it encountered
both living aliens and the remains of extinct alien cultures.

to

Xenosophonts
As Terragen civilization has spread out into the galaxy, it has encountered
both living aliens and the remains of extinct alien cultures.
===
The Hildemar's Knots:​ These beings consist of knots of the vortex and
charge tubes in the neutronium mantle of neutron stars; they are only
a few centimetres across. Successful communication with them is rare,
since they regard the universe outside their environment merely as an
abstract mathematical problem.

might include an explicit mention of the contradiction:

If they consider the outside to be abstract, how is it that they're on
multiple stars?
Selden
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Messages In This Thread
Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by Drashner1 - 07-24-2017, 01:09 PM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by selden - 07-24-2017, 09:12 PM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by Drashner1 - 07-25-2017, 03:02 AM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by Avengium - 07-24-2017, 09:48 PM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by Drashner1 - 07-25-2017, 03:09 AM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by Rynn - 07-25-2017, 03:47 AM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by Drashner1 - 07-27-2017, 01:47 PM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by selden - 07-27-2017, 08:09 PM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by Drashner1 - 07-28-2017, 02:55 AM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by Avengium - 07-27-2017, 08:54 PM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by selden - 07-28-2017, 03:13 AM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by Drashner1 - 07-28-2017, 11:49 AM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by Liam - 07-28-2017, 03:39 AM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by Drashner1 - 07-28-2017, 12:01 PM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by Drashner1 - 08-07-2017, 12:58 PM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by selden - 08-08-2017, 09:37 PM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by Drashner1 - 08-09-2017, 02:56 AM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by Drashner1 - 08-18-2017, 01:23 PM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by Avengium - 08-19-2017, 12:22 AM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by selden - 08-19-2017, 07:30 AM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by Drashner1 - 09-12-2017, 01:11 PM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by Drashner1 - 09-30-2017, 12:34 PM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by selden - 09-30-2017, 10:37 PM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by Drashner1 - 10-01-2017, 01:06 AM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by Drashner1 - 10-01-2017, 09:31 AM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by selden - 10-01-2017, 09:14 PM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by Drashner1 - 10-03-2017, 12:35 PM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by Avengium - 10-02-2017, 01:39 AM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by selden - 10-03-2017, 08:27 PM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by Drashner1 - 10-04-2017, 01:00 PM
RE: Illustrated Backstory Redesign - by Drashner1 - 10-09-2017, 06:07 AM

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