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Project Heavenstorm (Chapter One of my novel)
#4
a sentient Dragon airforce. psionics', praying dolphins, crystal energies, + software-using entities..this sounds like it'll continue to get even more interesting...
very cool
i have a few comments about the prologue and characters but i'm not sure if you're looking for writing feedback?

two possible grammar issues:

1. In the wide space beside the towering sail mast, two Dragons lay glistening under the lamplight. Syjilika had the fine black-and-white stripes of a zebra - the result of expensive scale dyeing rather than hereditary

Shouldn’t the phrase be “the result of expensive scale dyeing rather than inheritance” or ' rather than hereditary traits'


2. Daal heard the tremor in Jihosky’s breath, felt the tumult in his aura. Daal would have vaporised the coward had Jihosky not been so convenient. Nonetheless, all present had a purpose to be served.
Phrasing- “Nonetheless, all present had a purpose they would serve”
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RE: Project Heavenstorm (Chapter One of my novel) - by Dfleymmes1134 - 11-04-2019, 06:45 AM

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