Proof-reading EG

[selden]

http://www.orionsarm.com/xcms.php?r=oa-f...Criticisms

"the sapient level of intelligence just like you and I."
would be better as
"the same sapient level of intelligence as you and I."

---

On that same page there are quite a few places where it seems that somebody's word processor inserted non-translatable "smart quotes".

different from Orion’s Arm in detail
should be
different from Orion's Arm in detail"

Wouldn’t that be an interesting
should be
Wouldn't that be an interesting

(known as “vecs” after the AI
should be
(known as "Moravecs" or "vecs" after the AI

just “bigger and better” humans
should be
just "bigger and better" humans

E.E “Doc” Smith,
should be
E.E "Doc" Smith,

I think this is all fixed now. I eventually ended up going through all the FAQs inside the Content Management System and looking for the 'smart quotes have messed things up' symbol. While I found and corrected some of what you list here, in other cases it seemed to be that someone had beaten me to it. Or maybe I just missed it.

If you would like to recheck these and, if there are any still messed up, indicate which FAQ question they are a part of (the FAQ Q&As are each separate entries in the CMS) that would be very helpful.

Thanks!

Todd

They look OK to me.

In the FAQ
What is the good of describing your setting as a "Space Opera" if you leave out all the fun space opera elements like FTL and humanoid aliens?

I see one possible "error": the use of single quotes instead of double quotes for E. E. 'Doc' Smith. That's a difference between British and U.S. English usage, I think. I can't get too excited about it, but thought it should be mentioned.

Thanks for all the edits!

[Drashner1]

http://www.orionsarm.com/xcms.php?r=oa-f...=Wormholes

broken link:

Wormhole Engineering in Orion's Arm: An Overview
http://old.orionsarm.com/tech/wormholes.pdf

I was able to locate a copy of this paper in my files (let's hear it for being a packrat - woot!) which I've now uploaded into the OA CMS for safekeeping. I've also fixed the broken link mentioned here, as well as in a couple other places. There's still one more broken link that I need to fix, but I need some input from Steve on that one first.

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Critique #1:

It isn't always obvious to the layman which of the constraints described on that page are due to known theoretical limitations and which are editorially imposed due to the requirements of the fictional environment. Maybe a different color of text could be used for the latter? They seem likely to be a relatively small part of the total.

The majority of the entries in that section of the FAQs are actually based on RL theoretical physics, I'm happy to say. Adam basically designed WHs that would work with RL physics and do what we wanted in the setting and then we built or modified the setting around that foundation. That said, there are a few that are either more related to the fictional setting or are 'editorially imposed'.

Rather than using color coded text - which we would then have to explain - I'm thinking we could split up the WH FAQ into two sections - one focused on the RL physics, the other on the fictional aspects of things (e.g., weylforges). Doing this would require a bit of work and probably some collaboration as I'm not sure exactly how the FAQ page is built (each FAQ question and answer is a separate entry rather than the whole thing being one giant page) and would need to consult with Steve and the other editors on this, if we were to decide to do it.

Critique #2:

There are several references to "relativistic" and "non-relativistic". It'd be nice if their relative magnitudes were defined. (There are real-life circumstances when low-speed relativistic effects have to be compensated for. One is in the GPS satellite system. Another was in the trajectory of the Messenger mission to Mercury.)

This is probably something that deserves an article of its own, discussing the impact of time dilation and distance on WHs. Perhaps create that and link to it from the FAQ pages....What do others think?

---

Contradiction with EG article?
FAQ:
Would an ultrarelativistic wormhole mouth have interesting/useful properties?
Due to Lorentz contraction a wormhole cannot exceed 0.74c without failing.

I assume that is supposed to mean something like
Due to Lorentz contraction, motion of a wormhole cannot exceed 0.74c without the wormhole failing.

Adjusted the wording on this as you suggested.

This seems to contradict the EG linelayer article http://www.orionsarm.com/eg-article/4b1645da51e3d

Linelayers tend to travel with a top speed of around 0.75c. To reduce temporal displacement effects, most travel at around 0.707c, the speed at which the local frame of reference of the ship (and wormhole) experiences one standard year for every light-year travelled. On occasion void-ship linelayers have been reported, which can apparently travel much faster. Exactly how the massive wormhole mouth is incorporated into the voidship bubble is not known.

Additional niggling detail: 0.75c should be 0.74c.

Edited to add: You can ignore most of that last. Rereading the http://www.orionsarm.com/eg-article/48545a0f6352a revealed the "void bubble" workaround.

Adjusted .75 to .74

Thanks!

Todd

[selden]

http://www.orionsarm.com/page/293
The Future isn't here yet

Terragens have encountered other…things.
should be
Terragens have encountered other things.

---

It seems to me that there's an inappropriate use of present tense in many paragraphs. This is one of my pet peeves. When writing about things that happened in the past, the writer should use past tense. Certainly the two tenses shouldn't be used alternately when writing about the same events. Unfortunately, fixing this would require a careful rewrite of most of the page.

[selden]

http://www.orionsarm.com/page/295
Time and Scale

a historical event more significant to them then the birth or deeds of any person
should be
a historical event more significant to them than the birth or deeds of any person
(then -> than)

Terragen expansion wave had filled the thickness of the galactic disk.
should be
Terragen expansion wave had filled the thickness of the galactic "thin disk."

[selden]

http://www.orionsarm.com/page/296
Sapients and Clades

This is the largest division &emdash; both in terms of numbers and diversity &emdash; of hominid
should be
This is the largest division — both in terms of numbers and diversity — of hominid
(&emdash; -> — )
or
This is the largest division -- both in terms of numbers and diversity -- of hominid

The nature of which these differences depends
should be
The nature of these differences depends

uploads were once physical &emdash; either organic or vec &emdash; but have since transferred
should be
uploads were once physical — either organic or vec — but have since transferred
or
uploads were once physical -- either organic or vec -- but have since transferred

[selden]

http://www.orionsarm.com/page/297
Xenosophonts

tree-like organism and a “choir” of symbiotic crawlers
should be
tree-like organism and a "choir" of symbiotic crawlers

[selden]

http://www.orionsarm.com/page/298
Singularities, Toposophy, and Singularity Levels


Singularity, it developed was something that
should be
Singularity, it developed, was something that

multiple Jupiter nodes intermixed with some Dyson nodes
is somewhat ambiguous and might be better as
multiple Jupiter nodes combined with some Dyson nodes

[stevebowers]

http://www.orionsarm.com/page/293
The Future isn't here yet

Terragens have encountered other…things.
should be
Terragens have encountered other things.

---

It seems to me that there's an inappropriate use of present tense in many paragraphs. This is one of my pet peeves. When writing about things that happened in the past, the writer should use past tense. Certainly the two tenses shouldn't be used alternately when writing about the same events. Unfortunately, fixing this would require a careful rewrite of most of the page.

I've removed most of the present tense except where it applies to the Current Era.
Thanks!

[stevebowers]

http://www.orionsarm.com/page/295
Time and Scale

a historical event more significant to them then the birth or deeds of any person
should be
a historical event more significant to them than the birth or deeds of any person
(then -> than)

Terragen expansion wave had filled the thickness of the galactic disk.
should be
Terragen expansion wave had filled the thickness of the galactic "thin disk."

Fixed; thanks.

[stevebowers]

http://www.orionsarm.com/page/296
Sapients and Clades

This is the largest division &emdash; both in terms of numbers and diversity &emdash; of hominid
should be
This is the largest division — both in terms of numbers and diversity — of hominid
(&emdash; -> — )
or
This is the largest division -- both in terms of numbers and diversity -- of hominid

The nature of which these differences depends
should be
The nature of these differences depends

uploads were once physical &emdash; either organic or vec &emdash; but have since transferred
should be
uploads were once physical — either organic or vec — but have since transferred
or
uploads were once physical -- either organic or vec -- but have since transferred

Fixed - thanks!